(copied & pasted straight from my deviantart journal. it seemed more appropriate for here than there since i never post serious stuff there, but i put it up anyway, haha).
welp, things are really starting to tie up around here. graduation in two weeks, prom, senior picnic and brunch...the end is so tangible now and it's just really, really weird. i know that when most people graduate high school they're either anxious to get out or super emotional and teary-eyed and cry at graduation and stuff. i'm neither and both at the same time. i'd be fine if i had another year of high school because it'd just be super weird for it to end, and so i don't want it to. i hate change. but i'm also anxious to start living my own life...which probably won't happen for another year or two, since i'm going to be going to community college and keep on living at home. not too happy about that...but the plus side i see from this is maybe i can get into a better college by spending a year or two at community college. and at least it's cheaper. honestly, i don't want much out of college, just some really good friends and a study abroad program. i don't know if i've made it too obvious here on deviantart, but i've had hardcore wanderlust for as long as i can remember and i'm so anxious to go out and explore the world.
which is something i have done absolutely none of. with my family's modest income, we haven't had money to go on vacation since i was in 7th grade, and never before that. my dad's always had trouble with the company he works for being bought out and his department/entire current company getting laid off. i can't even remember how many times that has happened. if it hadn't happened when i was a little kid, i would be living in memphis right now. so, with that being the main issue, i've only been as far south as key west, as far west as iowa, and as far east as west virginia. i've been to minnesota to the north but i've never even left the country. being cooped up in one area for so long gets tiring and i have a kind of cabin-fever to go out and see the world. it's the only thing i really want to do before i die. so...a study abroad program would be a great start. loyola university chicago, the only school i applied to this year (aside from community college) has a great study abroad program in rome, and i'm more than likely going there after community college, so hopefully i will be able to participate in that. that's all i'm really looking for out of college, honestly. i just want to get my traveling in before the real rapture comes or anything...
it feels good to talk about that stuff, to sit down and sort out my thoughts. whenever people ask me about college/post-community college plans it's something they want a quick answer to, and if i start to explain why i want to travel they seem like they don't want to hear any of it. i haven't really talked to anyone about it, not even my parents. they don't get the whole i-want-to-see-the-world-thing more than anyone else does. it's kind of annoying, because the only other people i know who'd like to travel are ones who have already got a good number of stamps on their passport. i don't even own a passport...
i just want to see all the beauty there is in the world before either it's destroyed or i'm destroyed. whichever comes first. and who knows when that will be, so the sooner the better. and no one seems to get that. i don't know how else to explain it.
i cannot stop listening to this song. i am in love with it. i wish it was more relevant to my life (and i also don't) but it's just so beautiful. haven't been so in love with a song in a long, long time.
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