dead poets society

today is the start of my final writers week at fremd. i feel like this isn't my senior year at all, i felt a much bigger sense of loss last year--i feel like that was my senior year. i knew nearly half of the graduating class, got to go to WW at least 4 of 8 periods of the day, and their class was just so much more spirited. but that's a topic for a later date.

writers week today started out fantastic. i saw student writers, many of whom were thousands times better than i could have ever expected, and the lovely julie halpern during 4th. she was hilarious and fun and enticing all at once and i've read her book get well soon for summer reading, and it was fantastic. i need to read her other novel. i can't wait to see sierra demulder, a slam poet, on wednesday, who was one of my two favorites last year, and chris crutcher, who wrote staying fat for sarah byrnes, which was one of my favorite books i've ever read for school and ever in general. i am beyond excited for this whole week :)

anyhow, writers week always inspires me to write loads more than usual because i'm always too scared to read stuff i've previously written. just today already i wrote a poem about/to/for my grandmother, and just now i finished watching dead poets society. i've wanted to watch it for months at least, and never got around to it, until now. i figured it would be a good movie to watch during writers week and i was right. i want to read a bit before i go to bed so i'll keep this brief, but it was, in a word, brilliant. i love movies like that, where by the end i'm itching to start my own revolution among my peers. robin williams was flawless. the only thing that bugged me, and it didn't even bug me so much as amuse me, was that about halfway through i figured out why i recognized neil--he's wilson in house! it was so weird to me to see him in a role other than wilson, even though i haven't watched house in maybe two years.

oh, and here's my song of the day.

shadows over european skies

so last night i finally ended a friendship with someone that i'd been putting off for months now. i wrote her a really long letter, and gave her reasons why i haven't been happy with being her "friend" for a long time, and off it went. i wouldn't be surprised if she started a ton of drama (knock on wood) because i mentioned how i felt like she was stealing my best friend away from me, and i would be even less surpised if my so-called best friend sided with her (knock on wood again) if this argument came up. sigh. she's just that kind of person, so i'm really glad i won't have to fake being nice to her anymore. i've been wanting to write out how i feel for so long and to finally do it and break that chain of the weight that was holding me down from being as happy as i could, and i feel a hell of a lot better now.

also, pictures for sad children is great.

and this is my song of the day, because it kind of makes me think of cute kid K who i kind of do sort of have a thing for...

memoirs

following my post from midnight, here's a bit more about the things i wanted to write about:

1. valentine's day

on sunday i went to target and got some valentines (phineas and ferb and holographic dinosaur!) to hand out to anyone who wanted them at school. everyone i gave one too just seemed really cheered and happy, and knowing that i made someone smile was great :) i gave some to my favorite teachers, too, and patton was practically beaming when i gave him his. he's such a sweetheart hahah.

2. cute kid K

so there's this kid in my design class who i've thought was super cute for a really long time and i'm starting to talk to him a bit and i may be developing a crush on him kldghludf and i feel like maybe maybe maybe he might be interested in me (knock on wood) cuz he's done some stuff that just seems kind of like it to me. a couple times when i go to the other side of the room to talk to my friend, he'll jump in the conversation and then it'll turn into just a conversation between us two. when i go to get food in the cafeteria, he'll show up a minute later and talk to me while i'm in line. one day when i got to class he was standing by my desk and when he saw me he smiled and started talking to me. and lol, this one makes me laugh, one day i told him he wears gray too much and i want to see him wear a color, the next day he wore a red t-shirt. idk i kind of want something to happen with him, but if it didn't i wouldn't be too disappointed or anything. and last night i found out he's kind of a big druggie, which i never would have guessed, and i had a dream about him last night and i know drugs were involved but i can't remember what happened, although i woke up kind of panicked. so i really wish i could remember :/

3. STARSHIP

thursday night i went to see starship and all this shit happened beforehand but anyhow, i ended up taking leann with me who i had photo with last semester, and it was SO SO SO SO GREAT. it's definitely my favorite starkid production and the music was fantastic and it was hilarious and bright and colorful and just wonderful!! i loved tootsie noodles/mega-girl and taz (all of the humans basically) and the mosquitoes and there was this one part where mega-girl's wig fell off and it definitely wasn't supposed to happen but they improv'd it so well that by the end i didn't even remember it. joey richter's voice has definitely improved by landslides (not that it was even bad before but khgdilf it is TREMENDOUS now) and everyone was so fantastic at their roles. after the show ended, leann and i waited around with a bunch of other people to see if anyone in the cast would come out because we wanted pictures with them. first person we saw was the girl who played february, i can't think of her name right now...and she was talking to people who i guess knew her, so then when dylan saunders (dumbledore in AVPM and tootsie in SS) came out leann and i ran over there and were pretty much the first people to talk to him :) he was such a sweetheart, and he gave me a really good hug lol. then right after we took our pictures and thanked him, jim povolo, who is goyle in AVPM and who i absolutely LOVE came out, so we rushed over to him, too. he's SO tall, and i told him that he plays all my favorite parts in the shows and he was so bashful and humble about it. loved him :') then a few minutes later who comes out but JOEY FREAKIN' RICHTER. i pretty much shoved leann through the swarm of people so we could get a picture with him and run out. when i walked over to him to get my picture, my massive purse practically knocked someone out and i was like "oh god" and he was cracking up over it. i was so nervous/excited/starstruck that i was going to say something about his soul patch/facial hair in general and totally forgot about it. so, once we got the photos we headed over to the elevators to leave because nobody else had come out and my mom texted me asking to hurry up, when none other than BRIAN HOLDEN who is possibly my favorite starkid came out and so, of course, we got pictures with him too. he was hilarious and gave me a good hug also. so, then, we fiiiiiinally left and we saw joey richter on the side of the building that my mom was parked at, with a bunch of fans and leann and i started being little fangirls all over again. but oh my god, the whole night was SO fun. i was beaming and screaming the whole ride home, and i couldn't fall asleep i was so happy. i'm still smiling about it, it was such a great experience and i'm so glad all the cast was so nice to us when we attacked them for photos. i hope they do more shows in chicago because i will DEFINITELY be going to more :) (oh, and we were 15 minutes late thanks to traffic, so i hope they put starship on youtube so i can see what happened in the beginning...)

OH AND HERE, YOU CAN LOOK AT MY PICTURES WITH ALL OF THEM I GUESS:

i can't help falling in love with you

i keep forgetting to update this or i remember but i don't have the time to sdklhodg[hdf

i actually don't have time right now to talk about all the stuff i want to talk about because it's midnight and i'm super tired but i want to say a couple things to remind me tomorrow

1. valentine's day and stuff

2. cute kid K and stuff

3. STARSHIP AND STUFF (don't forget the wig)

okay that's my little note-to-self...anyhow, so this post isn't COMPLETELY pointless, hear one of the only acceptable elvis covers i've ever listened to! (i am a huge elvis fan and i generally do not like anyone's covers of his music (but this one is okay)).

i wouldn't stop for red lights

i thought being a second semester senior was supposed to be easy but this is one of the hardest semesters of school i've ever had. oy vey.

the only classes i truly enjoy now are commercial design and my outdoor adventure gym class. photo is so boring without all my friends, no more drawing, schmidt is the worst survey teacher ever but i enjoy my class, and lunch is turned to shit because i am constantly directing katrina to places two blocks from school because she can't remember and she is literally the worst driver i've ever been in a vehicle with. i don't enjoy driving and therefore have not gotten my license yet but oh my GOD i've only been on the road like four times and i can drive better than her. how the hell did she get a license?!

i know i definitely had something else to say, something relevant or interesting instead of complaining as will usually be the substance of this blog, but i can't think of it...

OH IN GOOD NEWS THOUGH WE ARE DESIGNING GIG POSTERS IN COMMERCIAL AND I AM SOOOO EXCITED I'VE ALWAYS ADMIRED GIG POSTERS ESPECIALLY WHEN I WAS IN MY CRAZY-NOTHING-MATTERS-BUT-MUSIC PHASE OF LIFE so that is something awesome going on

oh, and today in gym we did talents and this girl did a cover of a bon iver song so that is my song of the day.

song of the day

AWESOME

all that waiting, two and a half years, for nothing.

welp. you wait to see what'll happen and this is what happened so i guess i can't be that upset. i'm not as upset as i thought i would be, it's just this on top of a bunch of other stuff is really not giving me the best start to the week. oh well.

anyhow, since it doesn't seem like i will be in pursuit of him any longer, i'm going to make a rough list of requirements in a male counterpart~ this will be fun.

physical requirements (not much):

• taller than me
• bigger nose than mine

that was easy.

and now for the personality requirements:

• must like or at least tolerate the music i listen to
• enjoy laughing (with/at me is okay as long as he laughs a lot)
• an appreciation for literature would be nice
• and also enjoyment of nerdy things such as doctor who
• i would like to be able to hold a conversation about things like politics or beliefs
• and knows when to be silent
• enjoying playing some old school nintendo with me would be cool
• it would be nice if he would watch a movie with me and not try to make out every few minutes (rather, someone who will pay attention to a movie if he were to watch it with me)
• good taste in movies would also be nice (e.g., not stepbrothers)
• it would be nice if you liked learning/gaining knowledge
• and if you could watch and/or discuss soccer with me that'd be FABULOUS
• putting up with my obsessions would also be great
• and also if you were at least in my range of weirdness i think we could get along great
• oh another thing: i am always right
• except when i admit i'm wrong
• if you are not obsessed with grabbing my ass every chance you get and instead would just hold my hand all the time, i would be happy
• be willing to talk to me about your problems and let me talk about mine too
• honesty honesty honesty
• it would be nice if you can quote ferris bueller randomly throughout conversations also
• art appreciation woop woop
• understand my need of privacy/alone time/introvertedness
• be immature with me

that's pretty much all i can think of off the top of my head. lol it's way too late to have a ~special someone~ for valentine's day but with that list i doubt i'll even find a prom date. such high standards. sigh. as chloe would say, quiero una pareja~

greetings, world!

hi. if you've found this, i must have given the link out to you. so you probably know why i'm here, but if not, i'll tell you anyway.

i'm here because i no longer have a place where i can just vent, rant, obsess over things without worrying about somebody reading it. facebook is the most public place on the internet, and i have been spending a lot of time on tumblr ever since. i act a lot more like myself there than anywhere else, but a few people i know in the physical world follow my tumblr and i find i am becoming increasingly self-conscious over what i post for fear that they will see it. sometimes i want to complain about someone or something and i can't, because that person knows my tumblr and would see it and it would hurt their feelings. i don't have anywhere where i am fully free. i've used blogger every so often over the years but never quite stuck to it, since i've never really made connections here. so, here i am, again, trying to not only stick with it, but make some friends along the way.

this is going to be all about me. selfish, i know, but sometimes you just need an outlet. my fears, my accomplishments, my infatuations, my questions--they will all be here. maybe not a journaling every day, maybe a picture some days, a poem on others. but it will be all about me. i will not worry about hurting someone else's feelings or carefully phrasing what i want to say because if you are here it means you don't know me, and i am 100% okay with that.